The only person who is with you every moment from the time you were born to the time of your death is YOU!! So the question to you is – Don’t you think it is important to love yourself? Unfortunately, most of don’t do so . Infact most of us criticize ourselves the most.

When was the last time you advised someone or guided them because they made a mistake. There is a 99% chance that you were kind and spoke with so much affection. Just take some time to reflect on it.

Now, let us change a situation little , when was the last time you made mistake and how do you talked to yourself. There is a 99% chance, you would have criticized yourself. Unfortunately, this is a habit most of the human beings are going through and since it has become common like all other habits , most of us think it is not a big problem to love ourselves. But it is very important to realize that without Self – Love,  a beautiful ( inside out) is not possible.

Why? Well there are few reasons to it. Before that let me ask you a question- coming back to situation we discussed before  when you were criticizing yourself , how were you feeling?? The obvious answer I guess is bad. If you feel bad most of the time , what happens?. Yes, you feel that your life is bad and no matter how good the situation is outside, you will still think life is bad. This is because life works from inside you and not from outside. This is why practicing self love is vital for having amazing life.

Another reason is when you love yourself, your self esteem and confidence improves and you will be able to tackle difficult situations in life with much ease and peace which is very important if you want to grow and develop in any areas of your life.

Still another reason, practicing self- love can help us improve our relationships because when you start loving and accepting yourself , loving and understanding other will become easier.

So, are you convinced now why Self – Love is  non- negotiable in our life!!

Ok, let me end this chapter with a small task for you.

List out the names of 3 people whom you love the most!!

So, what were the 3 names you wrote.  Did you write your name?

If yes, then that’s great but most of us do not write our names because we do not actually love ourselves.

So the question here is why is to so difficult to love yourself?

Think of your childhood days may be at the age till 10, you loved yourself so much, you wanted everything for yourself , you were selfish because you loved yourself the most. Then as you grew up , you came to know from others that being selfish is not good and slowly you started to stop loving yourself.

This can be easily explained by an metaphorical story.

There was small girls age 5 who lived in a palace with so many rooms. She loved all the rooms and used to visit all of them. Then one day here mother told do not go to the room no.10 , then her ather told do not go to room no.7 and then her siblings, relative, neighbors and friends told the same and finally she stayed in just one room and hated all other rooms. Now , if you put ourselves on the shoes of the little girl and the different  rooms as your behavior , it is the same you have done with yourself based on others opinions and started hating yourself.

This self criticizing attitude which you have gained from outside is not natural to you but most of think it is quite normal because everyone does it. We are so used to criticizing that we feel awkward when we don’t do it.This concept is the biggest block to self – love. You need to understand that infact, not loving yourself is not normal and like any other problem , you need to solve it if you want to have an amazing life. As we say , awareness is the first stage to any change and you can start fresh whatever stage of life you are in. You can explore more on starting fresh here

Another reason why it is difficult to love ourselves is because our brain is wired to be safe and so it has a negativity bias. This was a survival mechanism for our ancestors who lived in caves and forests but  the brain has not evolved according to our lifestyle. So most of the time our mind is filled with negative thoughts giving not enough space for self – love to flourish.

So what can you really start loving yourself. Will get into it but before that I have another assignment for you 🙂

Observe your mind for 10 minutes without any distractions and write down the thoughts that are arising and then label them as negative and positive. Note down which type of thoughts win

So what happened to your previous assignment, did you have more negative thoughts or positive thoughts. Well, chances are high that your negative thoughts would have won the game.

According to study published in the journal Nature Communications which was carried out by psychologists at Queen’s university in Kingston, Canada , it was concluded that an average human being had about 6200 new thoughts every day and among them most of them are negative and repetitive. It is also widely accepted that our thoughts are so powerful that it is creating our reality. So if we can change our thoughts , we can change our life.

Now, what had this to self – love, well when you are capable of having loving self talk with yourself which are thoughts, you automatically start loving yourself. But first step for any change is becoming aware of your negative thoughts.

So the best way to do this is write it down because there is a powerful connection between mind and hand. Infact, some people argue that it is not handwriting but mindwriting since we have seen people writing using legs and mouth as well. But , you can stick to your hand , no worries 😊

Lets see how we can do, Always keep a small notepad with wherever you go whether it is in your home, car, office and write down whenever a negative and repetitive thought pops up. Please note the two word REPETITIVE AND NEGATIVE. If you start writing all the 6200 thoughts coming in your mind, you will go crazy. Initially , you may find it difficult but with constant practice you will be at ease. Do not bother what other’s are saying because it is your life and not theirs and only you know what you want from your life.

Once you write down the thoughts, everyday night , just look at your thoughts without judging yourself. Again initially you feel judge but do not focus on it , instead move to the next thought.

Once you repeat this daily , one night when you are looking at your thoughts, there will sudden rush of happiness which comes with awareness that how stupid who were that you were giving so much on these thoughts which were just thoughts and this was creating your life. You will also be happy to know that you have the power inside you to bring any changes in your life and you will start loving yourself more and more.

You need to repeat it everyday unless your negativity biased brain is removed 😊 But you can see that there is so much peace and happiness inside you that it will start reflecting on your outside world as well.